What to Do if Your Kid Talks Negatively About Their Body
When your kids talk about their inner turmoil, it’s easy to get bent out of shape. And when it’s about their body image, it stings even more.
“I hate my stomach” from your kiddo is a gut punch for you.
It makes you wonder how this ever happened—they were once so tender and innocent. They used to love discovering every single way their toes moved and how funny their belly button was.
Don’t panic! This post will help you navigate through the difficult parenting for negative body talk.
The first thing I want you to remember is to try to respond to these worrisome parenting thoughts with self-compassion. It’s impossible to know what influences your kids’ thoughts, feelings, and actions. After all, they live in the same complex world you do, and most of their social influence is outside of your parenting control.
Self-compassion will be key for you while you navigate parenting through any missteps or past mistakes. If practiced regularly, self-compassion can ease the emotionality. And keep in mind that diet culture is actually a big contributor to your kids’ negative body talk.
Diet Culture Is So Powerful! How Can You Help Your Kid Navigate It?
Listen, diet culture is cunning, powerful, and extremely destructive. So, here’s a quick Diet Culture 101 rundown, which can help you understand why it’s so easy to hear negative body talk from your kid.
Diet culture is this messed-up system all around us that teaches us to worship thinness like it's the holy grail of health and morality. It pushes weight loss like it's the key to unlocking a VIP club.
You end up feeling like $h!+ just because your body doesn't fit into this ridiculous 'ideal' that's basically impossible for most people on this earth to achieve.
So you're constantly bombarded with messages to shrink yourself, spending a ton of time, money, and energy on something that statistics show rarely works out long-term.
Oh, and it loves to shame certain foods while putting others on a pedestal. It turns knowing what to eat and how much to eat into a minefield of charged emotion. So you're stuck in this cycle of guilt and shame, totally missing out on enjoying food and life to the fullest. It sucks.
Christy Harrison, author, podcast host, and my personal shero, calls diet culture the ‘life stealer.’ It’s the worst.
And get this…
Diets don’t work. I'm not kidding. There’s now plenty of scientific evidence that supports this. Diets don’t work for about 98% of the population, and successful dieters likely have to maintain their weight loss through disordered eating and exercise.
It's a toxic trap that keeps you from embracing your pleasure, your purpose, and your power.
So, do whatever it takes to stop your kid from embracing the dangerous messages that diet culture teaches. Get my guide here.
What’s Brewing Behind Your Kids Negative Self Talk
When it comes to negative body talk, there's usually more brewing beneath the surface, and decoding these messages can be a game-changer.
When your kids are speaking negatively about their bodies, there’s ALWAYS something else going on.
It’s not always easy to figure out what might be going on, but it is possible. It’s all in your delivery, which is nuanced and absolutely tricky. But with the right support, like the kind I give (wink, wink), it’s possible to develop an arsenal of worthwhile responses.
Remember that self-compassion from the start of this blog? Good, it will come in handy here.
What we don’t want to do is say in response to “I hate my stomach” is…“You look beautiful.”
Why? Because while it sounds right, it actually really sends the stigmatizing message that fat is bad. You can be both beautiful and fat, but here, that is questionable. Diet culture tells us that fat is bad, but really, bodies come in all shapes and sizes.
Responding with, “Let’s move on” or “I don’t want to talk about these things,” essentially sends the message of let’s not talk about things that are difficult to talk about.
Not talking about feelings makes kids feel insecure and lack confidence. It makes them misunderstand how to express themselves and become confused about how to express love and develop relationships.
What our kids are really craving is YOU. Is someone to listen to them? Someone to sit with them and give them undivided, undistracted, regular attention. Attention that sends the message that your quality time with them is essential. And that no matter what else is going on, you are here presently with them.
Your kids feel like they are being looked at by others, and in this body-obsessed world, this can be incredibly difficult. So, the goal is to get them to open up about their feelings.
They are not saying that they want you to say nothing.
Try to ask inquiring questions like “Why are you feeling this way now?” “What happened today that is making you feel this way?” “Why is this hard for you?”
This change in how you respond to your kids may require you to reflect on your own body talk and internalized fat phobia.
Examining Your Own FATPHOBIA
It’s a good idea to examine your own anti-fat bias and try to overcome it (I know, easier said than done).
Explain to our children that anti-fat talk is morally and ethically wrong. That we are living under an oppressive system called diet culture, in a society where we deem some people are better than others based on their body size and shape.
Even if you are new to these ideas, you can fake it till you make it for the sake of your child while you continue your journey with body neutrality.
We must tell our kids that their bodies, and all bodies, are changing all the time. That all of our bodies can become fat or thin and that it just doesn’t matter.
Just like the thickness of our hair and the shape of our pupils, body shape and size are different for everyone. In the understanding of difference is kindness and humanity.
Parenting your kids in a way that is so different from how you grew up is tough. The fact that you're even trying is incredible. No matter how many missteps happen on this journey, hold onto that self-compassion and keep going.
Have more questions? If you understand this intellectually but don’t really know how to make it happen, contact me today to learn more about my one-on-one coaching for parents who want to raise kids with healthy body image. With the right support, you can feel good about your parenting, and together, we can build a more size-inclusive world.
